Blinking while driving

Here’s how I imagine the conversation went.

Governor Charlie Christ: “We really need to remove Governmental influence from people’s lives.  Let’s cut them a break.  What can we do to show them we really care?”

Underling: “We could tell them they don’t have to use turn signals anymore! That’s very annoying, and I know I’D be thrilled!”

Gov. Charlie: “I’ll go one better.  Let’s leave the law on the books, but just have all car manufacturers make cars WITHOUT turn signals.  That way, if we need funds, the police can still write tickets for not using them.  Until that day, though, the Floridian people will just have one less pesky little rule to follow, whether they want to follow it or not.”

I say this is how I imagine it, because I imagine LOTS of strange things as I drive.  Mostly, I imagine that 99% of the drivers in Florida today opened a can of Pringles and were thrilled to fine a gen-yoo-ine Florida Driver’s license inside! “Yahoo! I done got one of them permits to drive!  Now I don’t have to black out my windows as much!”

I also imagine that waves of tourists and immigrants decide, en mass, that THEIR way of driving in their country is just as good as or better than ours, so why read the damn manual anyway?  A friend, who is originally from India, once showed me a video on YouTube that showed a typical Indian intersection.  It looked like crazy, drunken ants racing to cross each other, stop, rub noses or scents and scurry on, right after you shove a large stick into their anthill and stir it up.  It was insanity! It very much resembles trying to merge onto the 408 from I-4, and I know you know what I mean.

So, among this imagining I do while in the car, I had to come up with some hypothesis to explain the utter lack of people using blinkers in this state.  I mean, honestly…why WOULD seemingly law-abiding citizens deliberately flout this very simple procedure?  These are the same kind people that wave at me if I let them cut in front of me and my safe distance cushion.  I realize they were waving with one finger, but surely, if they are that polite, AND they have full range of motion in their arms, shoulders, elbows, wrists, hands and especially that middle finger, they MUST have the ability to simply reach 1 inch to the left of the steering wheel and flip that turn signal up or down.  Wouldn’t they?

So I came to the obvious conclusion that cars sold in Florida must no longer have turn signals installed.  That of course, led to how that might have happened, and in the middle of the recent political climate, it was an easy leap to come up with that scenario.  Governor tries to help the people, a suggestion is whispered, and something crazy becomes the norm.    I do hope someone whispers to Rick Scott that millions of jobs can be created if we simply put the unemployed to work re-installing the turn signals and teaching drivers how to use them.

Governor Rick Scott: “I need something to deflect concern that I might be a crook.”

Underling: “Well, you know all those tickets we wrote for not using turn signals?  Seems that is pretty much unenforceable since Charlie had blinkers removed in 2006.  We’re going to lose $2 billion in funding for schools.

Gov Rick “Our citation money is funding schools? That’s gotta stop.”

Underling: “Since lawsuits are going to suck up that money anyway, why don’t we just close the schools, have the teachers reinstall the blinkers in all cars, and send stimulus checks to everyone who owns a BMW or better?”

Gov Scott. “Genius! Make it so, number one!”

*much could be inferred from my use of a Republican governor and underling.  Much could also be inferred from the fact that the last three governors in Florida just happen to be Republican, and I’m convinced SOMEONE had a hand in this.  Carry on.