I’m often asked “how do you do it ALL??”. This questions is usually asked in hushed, breathless tones, with wide eyes, as though the cape fluttering behind my back is awe-inspiring, and must be treated with reverence. If the questioner would look a little closer, however, they’d see the cape is slightly wrinkled, a button is missing from the left shoulder, there’s a pizza sauce stain in the middle, the dog chewed the bottom corner, it’s covered in cat hair, and it smells faintly of baby puke. It DOES flutter nicely though in a stiff breeze.
The people who ask me that question, never seem to believe me when I say “I DON’T get it all done. My house is a mess, I’m disorganized, and rather lazy.” Here is the proof.
12:01am. Since a day technically starts at midnight, we’ll begin here. I’m trying to get off of facebook, and finish watching a dvr’d episode of Grey’s Anatomy with my hubby. As I’m still awake and on a buzz from my work shift, I’ll sometimes sit at the homeschool table and try to organize things for the next couple of days. I’ll flit between that and facebook (I’m addicted) until 2am…..Ok..wait, that just seems like a pathetic start to a “day”, so let’s actually start in the morning. It’ll be more inspiring.
8:00am. This is when my alarm is set. Wake up to the pleasantries that are 105.1. Why oh why did they fire Erika??
8:03am Hit the snooze..9 more minutes!
8:12am Alarm goes off again. Appliance Direct Commercial is playing, UGH
8:12:01am SNOOZE that guy right off the airwaves
8:21am Alarm goes off AGAIN. Dammit! Why can’t snoozes be set for 20 minutes? Why 9? That’s stupid!
8:23 Get up, listen at the door. Silence, means the girls are still sleeping. Score! Reset the alarm for 9:30am. Just this once. I NEED the extra sleep today.
9:30am Alarm goes off –hit snooze immediately
9:39am OH ALL RIGHT! I’m UP! Check to make sure Bethanie is up, she’ll get Fynnlie up and get breakfast started for the girls while Bill and I take our showers.
10:15am –Emerge triumphantly from the room, ready to begin the day! Find the living room in shambles, couch cushions on the floor serving as seats for the girls as they eat their cereal and/or waffles in front of the tv. Today’s offering is the Karate Kid, (1980’s) version, and it’s near the end. The girls, still in pajamas (agh!) gather to recreate the signature “crane” move, complete with hummed soundtrack and crowd effects. I sit down to catch up on facebook and wait until it’s over. Spoiler Alert** Daniel LaRusso wins the match!
10:30am Begin the first attempts to get the girls dressed. Bethanie has brought down clothes, and Emmalie/Delanie begin arguing which is theirs. They wear similar sizes, so they often want what the other is wearing. The next 15 minutes will be spent asking, telling, demanding, trading, and threatening.
10:45am The girls are dressed! Wahoo! I am so surprised it’s finally happened, and mentally drained by this process, it’s time for a break. Let’s upload some photos to facebook and see how many hits my blog has gotten!
11:15am. Ok, time to get to work. Call Casadie over to the homeschool table. Call her again. And again. She loves her schoolwork, but she’s been captured by the Nintendo Monster, and is presently obsessed with her DS. It’s time for spelling, and she’s finally arrived. This quick list of words *should* take less than 10 minutes, but Fynnlie keeps coming over and reaching up to steal crayons or grab Casadie’s paper off the table. Bethanie would normally get her for me, but she’s just left to walk to Freedom High for choir, so for now I’m on my own. Bill’s running an errand to get some milk. So it’s one spelling word-chase the baby. Two spelling words-fish crayon out of her mouth, etc.
11:45am- Gather all the girls to read aloud about wasps and scorpions. It’s on the schedule, and even though the girls find them gross, I feel like they should at least learn some basics about ‘gross things’. So I forge ahead, over cries of “Ewwwww, that’s disgusting!!” or “I HATE WAPSES!” or “Mom, we’re getting those nests back outside, guess it’s time for Daddy to spray again?”
12:00pm “Yay paint!” The girls can smell paint for a mile away, and they swarm like, well, wasps! They love to paint, so the next several minutes are very pleasant. Project days are always exciting
12:30pm Put paint away. Spend the next 20-30 minutes cleaning paint off of paint brushes, tables, hands, baby’s face and mouth, the sliding glass door, and inexplicably, the ceiling fan. (Oh, who are we kidding..I’ve never cleaned the ceiling fan.)
1:00pm OH NO! Forgot about the laundry. I was going to do 3 loads today. Make my way upstairs (who builds houses with the laundry room upstairs?? Idiots) *sigh*, just able to “fluff” the dryer.. Definitely not getting three loads done today.
1:15pm Pull crayon out of Fynnlie’s mouth
1:17pm Watch with relief as Fynnlie finishes her tantrum after pulling crayon out of her mouth.
1:25pm Flop into computer chair. There’s no time to get anything else done before I have to get ready for work, so I pop in a “Signing Time with Alex and Leah” in. All of the girls enjoy learning sign, but Delanie is REALLY getting into signing. Make mental note to try and find an actual class for her.
2:00pm Eat lunch. Mental prep time for work. Hard to prep oneself for complete and utter rejection and spewed hatred for 6.5 hours, but I do my best.
3:15pm Leave for work. At the door, I must submit to Kissy-Huggy requests from 3 of my girls, try to keep Fynnlie from escaping, and bark last minute suggestions and requests at Bethanie for her evening with the girls.
4:00pm Work starts with group cheers, challenges to beat the dayshift, or the Las Vegas office, etc. The adrenaline push is ON.
4:03pm- Log into my first call-answering machine
2nd call-“Dammit I’M ON THE DO NOT CALL LIST!!!”
3rd call- “Not interested!”
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.
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15th call-“Not interested!” (see any patterns?)
37th call- *Might* be interested in Orlando.. “Is it free? If not, burn in hell!”
102nd call- Whoohoo..finally a sale!
10:30pm Beaten, exhausted, emotionally drained, I take my last call. OF COURSE this will be the one pleasant, talkative Guest who indicates interest..so I stay on the line for 45 minutes. More often than not, this will still not be a sale. Yay for unpaid conversation with someone for 45 minutes.
11:15-Drive home, grumpy and unfulfilled in my ‘career’. At least the girls will be in bed when I get home and the house will be quiet.
11:30pm **Those mothers who get their children to bed by 8:00 need to look away (This means YOU Katie!) Girls are in pajamas, but they convinced Bethanie to put in Percy Jackson and the Olympians at 10pm. It’s still on, because they stopped and repeatedly played the Casino part, so they could dance to Lady Gaga’s “Pokerface” At least when they get to bed by midnight, they sleep in, so they still get their 9-10 hours. I promise.
12:00am- All girls down, and I’m tired, but still wired from my shift. I’ll just watch a little Desperate Housewives while I check my email and facebook. But I’ll definitely go to bed by 1am. I promise.
2:15am- Turn off the computer monitor, set alarm for 8:00am. Definitely going to get up at 8 tomorrow, so I can start early and hopefully get in a better pattern.
REPEAT-Endlessly.
**This representation of an actual day may vary. No substitutions, or refunds.
3 comments:
This sounds exhausting! And don't worry, those mothers who say they have their kids asleep by eight are lying.
karahoag.blogspot.com
Thanks for the encouragement, Kara. Although the specific reference I made to "Katie" in my blog is because she legitimately has her kids in bed by 8. I'm serious. BUT..they do wake up at like 5am or something ridiculous, so I win. :) But I love her anyway.
Yeah, they're in bed by 8. Well, Sierra is down by 7:30 but you're definitely right about them getting up early. I'm doing good if they sleep in til 6:00am! Of course, I'm dead by 9 (tonight being the exception b/c your blog is too dang funny) so it works. :-)
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