Dream Interpretation

It's become a running joke between my husband and I, that I have intensely bizarre dreams after eating a Walery's pizza. Something in that spicy pepperoni sets my imagination to whirling and I wake up in awe of myself, and usually sort of peeved that I'm missing out on the rest of the story.  I will often try to go back to sleep in exactly the same position I was in, hoping to pick up where I left off.

Bill is often put in the unenviable position of having to listen to me rattle off these crazy adventures.  Most of the time, he just mutters something like "We'd better lay off the Walery's..." or something completely unhelpful.  If he's feeling chipper, he'll sometimes try to interpret them for me.  "The barking dog signifies your irritation at bill collectors, and the blue diamond embedded in the tree symbolizes your angst about moving from our home on Blue Sapphire drive, as you felt like you had roots there..." blah blah blah.  It's usually amusing, and sometimes, when the dream is really odd, and he gets to interpreting, I decide to leave out one or more of the weirdest details, for fear that he'll realize that I'm completely bonkers, and he'll run screaming into the night.

Here's one I'll share with you dear reader...and if you feel like you want a crack at getting inside my head, you just jot your interpretations below.  Oh, and before I start, I should mention that we've introduced a new dream generator.  This whopper was brought to us by hot, buttered popcorn. Munched with real butter, whilst watching an episode of Glee.

It begins with Bill, Casadie and I driving down Lancaster drive here in Salem. We are on a publicity tour for Casadie, as she has just finished being the voice of the girl in "Bolt."  In the dream, I was describing her part as "she's the voice of Hannah Montana", so that's how I know it was the Bolt movie. Anyway....as we were driving, we turned onto Center street, and passed Roth's supermarket. Behind Roth's, I saw a HUGE grizzly bear. I pointed it out to Bill and Casadie, and then we saw the Papa grizzly, and two babies.  Bill and I discussed that Salem's animal control was so abysmally underfunded that even Grizzlies got to walk around unimpeded. We weren't particularly worried, but more fascinated by seeing them up close.  Our hotel was directly behind Roth's (whoo hoo..spectacular location, Disney..thanks! *rampant sarcasm alert*), and our room was on the 7th or 8th floor.   While Bill napped on the bed (typical), Casadie and I looked out our window to see if we could still see the grizzlies.  We noticed a huge menagerie of woodland-type animals; Moose, raccoons, skunks, etc...and a huge crowd was growing. Somehow, the random grizzly sighting had morphed into some sort of forest-themed petting zoo.  Casadie and I wandered down, and got our pictures taken with the animals.  They all appeared to be unrestrained, and when I voiced some concern to the manager, he pointed out the invisible fencing (very tron-like). This satisfied me, and we went back to the room.   Here, my dream went from a vivid but fairly normal to completely wacky.

The next thing that happened was that I was looking out the side window (we had a corner room, ) and I could hear/feel something huge approaching (think Jurassic park-type tension)  Out of the woods, came a HUGE animal/monster thing that was on two legs. It didn't walk, however, it sort of hopped. Like a kangaroo I guess.?? and it was approaching the other wing of the hotel. Everyone was in danger! I watched in horror as this huge creature made it way to eat us all.  To describe it is difficult..I have a very clear picture in my mind, and if I had any drawing ability whatsoever, I'd upload something...but alas, you'll have to settle for my descriptive skills. Start with an image in your head of the abominable snowman from Monsters Inc. That was the approximate body/head proportions and the right shape...It was roughly 40 ft tall...and dark brown.  Furry all over, but it's  head had more hair, kind of like a big, spiky mane.  It was wearing some sort of clothes, but there was no detail there. It looked awful. and mean. and hungry.

It hopped right up to the building, and glared inside at the -what I assumed to be-terrified occupants. I watched horror as he opened his mouth, teeth bared, and then proceeded to vomit all over the side of the building.  He then turned and hopped his nasty self over to our building...his height put him mouth-nose to our window, and yes, he proceeded to vomit again, all down the side of our hotel.  I was screaming for Bill and Casadie to wake up, because i was certain that once he emptied his stomach, he was going on a feeding frenzy and we were the targets.

It was at this terrifying, unfortunate moment......that I woke up.  I woke up saying WHAT....THE....HELL...WAS .....THAT????????   I just laid there for the longest time, trying to figure out what had just happened.   Here it is...over a week later, and I'm STILL trying to figure it out.  Every night, I nervously go to bed, wondering if he'll make another appearance.

I'm flummoxed on this one, friends and readers.  Help me out. Give me your wildest interpretation theories below. I'm looking forward to your input on my mental state.  I think. *be gentle..I turn 40 on Friday..I'm fragile this week!*  (that can't POSSIBLY fit into this dream, can it??)

For the birds....(I mean, KIDS)

Confession time.

I hate birds.  Also, I am not bright.  Impulsive and child-like, but not necessarily bright.  One might wonder why on earth these two things are related, and one might also note that probably only ONE of those two facts is news to anybody.

A little background on my bird-hating-ness.  I haven't always hated birds.  They are pretty.  They have a beautiful, melodious sound.  They eat bugs and such.  I once even owned a bird.  A co-worker of my ex-husband talked him into taking on an orphaned cockatiel.  I believe the cockatiel was orphaned because it was the devil, and no one could stand it, but I digress.  I happily thought that a cockatiel was just the most adorable pet to add to our brand-new little family.  Because every newlywed couple needs a squawking, obnoxious bird that wants out of it's cage at all hours of the day and night, right? That kind of stress is perfect on a budding new marriage when you're all of 18 and 19 years old.  So anyway, to make a long story short...the bird didn't work out (neither did the marriage, but it would be a few more years before we'd admit to that), and we ended up giving him away.  At least I *think* we did..I'm pretty sure I didn't agree to one of Jay's wilder plans to let it go free in the Oregon wilderness.

Cut to several years later, not really on *loving* terms anymore with birds in general, I was pecked, rather ferociously in an aviary at the Portland Zoo.  We had our adorable son Alex with us, baby Bethanie in the stroller, and some horrible little green and red beast nearly pecked me to death while my husband (now EX-husband) laughed riotously at my predicament.  Not long after that, he rented Alfred Hitchcock's "The Birds" for us to enjoy in the privacy of our own home.  Evil bastard.  

Ever since then, I avoid aviaries, even if it requires back-tracking half a mile through the zoo or park path to find an alternate route.  I don't need to see any more birds.  They have feathers, two feet, and occasionally one will have a very interesting-looking beak.  Whoopee.  Somehow, the big kids caught on that I wasn't just disdainful and bored..but that there was a real fear involved.  Like my unreasonable fear of popping Pillsbury biscuit cans, this has now become a source of gleeful amusement for them.  They pat me condescendingly on the head or shoulders, offer to hold a map or jacket over my head and escort me quickly through the aviary so I don't have to backtrack.  They say witty things like "Oh..that's RIGHT...you're as scared of birds as you are of loudly popping biscuit cans, AREN'T YOU??" and I just give them my best "I will KILL you when we get home" grin..and run through the aviary at top speed to prove my bravery, flinging other people's small children aside like they are bread crumbs.  Which I hope the birds think they are, at least long enough to distract them from me.

So, when one irrational woman is afraid of birds, and is ridiculously annoyed when the chirping outside wakes her up at the unholy hour of 7am, what is the best course of action?.....

.....buying a bird feeder for homeschool of course.  The girls saw the project in a book, and clamored endlessly and adorably for it, until I gave in.  The project actually involved BUILDING a bird feeder..but since I'm handier with a debit card than a hammer...a beautiful black bird feeder came home, along with a bag of "Songbird mix."  (Is it made of real songbirds?  I hope so!  *maniacal hand-wringing and 'muahahaha-ing'*) So now, the girls can gleefully watch for birds in the backyard, and I can lay in bed at 7 in the morning with a pillow over my head.


.....I'm thinking of buying a BB gun.

PS.  As I wrote this..I realize then, what an oddity it is that I enjoy playing "Angry Birds".  I realized that I'd rather be the pigs.  But I'm still mildly obsessed.  Just an odd coincidence.