There is a dreaded moment in the life of every mother of a large family. The moment where she has to begin telling everyone that the brood is about to enlarge. Again. Now, don’t get me wrong..it’s a joyous moment to the mother and to the father, and quite often to at least a fair number of the siblings-to-be. The sharing of the news, however, quite often has a deflating effect, when the faces staring back at you begin to contort into various displays of shock, humor, horror, confusion and fear. Fear, you say? How could any of the relatives display ‘fear’ when confronted with the happy news of a future grandchild/niece/nephew/godchild, etc.?
“I now have to buy SIX Christmas presents? Can I send just one Halloween card, or do I have to take a wheelbarrow into the post office to pick up the stamps? I guess I better apply for a better frequent flier miles card, because I’m looking at six graduations, weddings, and who knows what else. I realize that I created a college fund for your first two…but we’re just hoping the rest go to community college, right?” Yes, on some family members, you can actually see the written words of these fears travel across their eyes in the split second before they say “When are you going to STOP??” To this question, I usually just grin and say ominously..”I just don’t know….” One friend, when told we were pregnant with number 6, just looked non-plussed and said "Of course you are."
My personal favorite is “Don’t you know what causes this?” I used to just mutter a bit of unintelligible apology, rather self-conscious in the face of this obvious lack of confidence in my biology knowledge. I’ve developed a hard outer shell lately though, and now retort confidently “Yes, my husband and I needed a hobby..and boy are we enjoying this one!” or…”You know, you just find something you’re good at in life, and you just keep at it. Repeatedly. With vigor.” So far, this has shut them up every single time.
Even when the family is not taking a giant leap forward in number, one still has to contend with the questions, the open staring, and even the not-so-subtle counting that occurs when we go somewhere as a group. Boarding a monorail car at Walt Disney World, I overheard another mother tell her husband “6! They have 6 kids! Look at them!” We were better entertainment than the Small World ride, and without the annoying song! If , when talking to people, they manage to get past my snarky “we enjoy and are good at the reproductive process” comments, we’re often asked if we’re 1. Mormon, 2. Catholic 3. The Duggars, or 4. Quakers. No, no, HECK no, and nope. I do adore Michelle Duggar and give great props for her patience level, but 19? That’s nuts. We’ll just stop at 6. or 7. Maybe 8. (You see how this goes.)
Nothing that people say about our family size gets me too riled. I know that it’s unusual in this day and age, and I can see the humor in their fascination. I did get a little bent out of shape when one woman said “Thank goodness my husband is a feminist.” As if my sweet, dependable husband was forcing me to bear forth his seed. Ha. Our decision to have a large family was not planned in advance..but always planned. None of our beautiful children was a mistake, or an ‘accident’, but a couple of times, they were very happy surprises in timing. The 3rd child was a miracle we never thought we’d have after a long bout of infertility. Our 5th was named nearly a year in advance, as we drove home from the hospital with our adorable and sweet 4th, but her arrival only 11 months later was a bit of a shock. The 6th was debated, discussed and then we just belly flopped into that decision and out came one of the happiest babies the world will ever know. The idea of the 7th is still in committee. We’re not sure when that bill will reach Capitol Hill.
Whatever our final family size is, I will continue to chuckle when I overhear the whispers and the rushed counting of heads. I will accept their disbelief and answer their questions of “How do you do it? I can barely deal with 2!” I will continue to come up with snarky answers to stupid questions. The bottom line is they are each a valued member of the family and the world, irreplaceable, beautiful, unique, and oh so much fun to create!
So, do you get asked about YOUR family plans? Is your family upset that you stopped with one? Thinks you're crazy for having number 3? Asks repeatedly if you're going to try for a girl/boy? Asks you childless friends 'when are you getting started?" How do you respond?
